POETRY: 'Lost Cause' by Ana Hagins

I can’t seem to get it right anymore.

It’s as if I have nothing to say,

like truth no longer exists,

or there’s no message for the messenger to deliver.

It’s like I am whole,

but not complete;

a void space with too much time to flow through it.

I am struggling to find words.

Every day I spend countless hours

trying to retrace my steps,

all the time wondering where it all went.

I’ve looked behind my fears,

under my sorrow,

and inside my heart…

nothing.

No signs,

no trace,

nothing to indicate that it was once there.

 It just poofed…

like a cloud of smoke,

and now I want it back…

every part of it:

the words and the meanings behind them all,

the introspection and self-discovery,

the messages and the truth.

Because I wasn’t looking for it,

 I never realized that it went missing.

Now,

when I need it most,

I can’t remember where I put it.

Without it I have forfeited my talent.

It’s so hard to say what needs to be said

because I am lost for words.

Look at that…

an expressionist lost for words.

Where did my desire go?

I have searched high and low

for the one thing that can define me.

How could this happen?

How could I do this to them?

For they have been the only ones

to be there through it all.

When I had a story to tell

they gave me the time and space I needed,

never running out on me,

always there to share my pain,

my troubles,

my frustrations.

Paper and pen,

I do apologize for the neglect.

I have misplaced the one thing that binds the trinity…

Forgive me world

for I have ceased being you messenger.

Forgive me Father

for not being responsible

with the talents you have given me.

I have put down the gift you gave me

and let it go to waste,

but I know it’s still there.

Please search me dear God,

for I have lost my passion.