POETRY: 'Sunflower (Birth of Trinity)' by Ana Hagins

Nothing has changed really,

except everything,

but then again I guess it’s all about perspective.

Would I be wrong to say that I am a rising star

when I shine like the sun?

It’s amazing how one can go from not having much to say

to not saying enough.

I have not been heard,

 let alone read,

for the only ones who know what I mean are pencil and paper,

my friends,

my allies.

For what I dare not say in person

cannot be hidden from my bleeding pen,

and here comes paper to make sense of it all.

I have died to self,

only to be reincarnated

into something better,

something greater.

Though reincarnation is not indicated in Christian beliefs,

I can testify that a new mind has been set within me.

I do not speak of myself out of arrogance,

but in confidence.

I do not esteem myself greatly,

but highly.

A new frame of mind causes for

realizations of my own ignorance and naiveté,

which I have mustered in

out fear that I would not be received.

But living out of fear means to live in sin.

It’s like having a vision,

but not like those false preachers and teachers

who claim to prophesy in the name of some ghost,

speaking in knotted tongues…

cvnhdfiuenefuwyfificauerimd…???

Your guess is just as good as mine.

But, nonetheless,

I am beyond the false pretenses and illusions;

that was the old me.

Though I am still in the process of growing,

blooming in knowledge and maturity,

the light of my glory shines before me.

Sunflower.

God has given me…

has given us...

a talent that many do not have.

Consider this:

how many people do you know can proclaim their thoughts?

Everyone can think of what to say

but not know how to say it.

Not everyone knows that words

can mix and match to create phrases

that are light on the ears

but simultaneously heavy on the heart.

Creativity is like blood flow,

an O type to be exact.

It is rare in any of its forms,

but it has the power touch and heal

any and everyone else

despite their differences in relation to us.  

But please do excuse my idiosyncrasies

for I am in the middle of a transformation.

I lay in the fetal position

waiting for the right time, a turning point.

Pre-Life crisis.

After my rebirth I will go beyond paper and pen,

I will speak what is true.

But until I take those first steps,

 just like any new babe I need a new name…

Trinity.

POETRY: 'William Tell' by Ana Hagins

Denial as a means of mental survival

can only last for so long

before you realize its true oppression.

I constantly fight myself,

thinking of how I feel

versus what I feel.

I shouldn’t miss you,

but I do.

I tell myself that the feeling isn’t there

…but now that I think about it…

it isn’t.

I don’t miss you;

I miss what you could have been.

Irony is such a brain teaser

because I miss what was never there.

You were never there,

and I wanted you

but not the you that was already there.

I wanted the you that I needed

but apparently couldn’t have

because that you didn’t exist.

So I got what was

instead of what could have been,

or did I miss it?

No, you missed it.

I sat there with a target over my heart

and you missed it,

William Tell.

So tell me,

will you,

how a person so close can be so far off.

It seems so irrelevant

because you weren’t who I needed you to be,

 but it’s so important

because now I know you aren’t the one for me.

 People talk about how people go through some type of metamorphosis,

but I have never met a more stationary brother than this

one right here.

 I have stunted my growth

just to stay down with you.

So nothing ever changed.

But I want some type of metamorphosis;

I need more than this.

Holding you down means that

I have to stay down

because you refuse to stand up

and be a man.

I want more than the you that you’re giving me.

Call it greed,

but I call it settling for less.  

You have to do better.

Better yet, I should aim higher,

William Tell.

For so long

I told myself that I was moving too fast for you,

but I have taken more than enough time.

I took time

to make time

so you could stand still.

You told me I was moving too slow.

 How could I be moving too slow

when you’re not moving?

That’s how the turtle won the race.

I don’t need you,

but without you I probably wouldn’t have realized it.

So tell me,

will you,

how can I need your potential and not love you?

I want what I need,

and I need what I want;

there’s no way to separate the two,

One.

It’s like trying to kill two birds with one stone,

but you just cannot miss,

William Tell.