'In Jesus' Name' by Ana Hagins

I held their hands,

But I didn’t feel the power that they felt.

He prayed ever so fervently

And everybody else agreed by saying,

“Yes.” But to what?

I watched them hold his hand,

That still man’s hand,

My granddaddy’s hand.

I watched tears pour

Down their cheeks, but

I did not cry.

Did that make me less passionate?

“Dear Father,” he said

“please let your man servant make it

Through this trying time.”

And again, they said, “Yes.”

But I didn’t. He lay awake in

The bed but I knew it hurt to do so.

He always tried to remain strong for them

But remaining strong only made him

Weaker. They prayed for God to give

Him rest. That was what he needed.

Rest.

I said, “Yes” to that unconsciously,

For I, myself, prayed for him to find rest.

And they prayed for his life also.

Why his life?

I saw their contradictions

And I resented them for their indecisiveness.

They prayed for God to save his life,

But his life does not bid him rest.

Which do they want? Can’t they see he can’t have both?

He prayed to himself fervently

Not for his life, but for relief.

They’d been praying for months but

God did not lend them his ear,

Let alone a healing hand.

But they continued to pray nonetheless

As people reached forward laying

Their hands on him as if they

Possessed a healing power that God himself

Didn’t.

“In Jesus’ name,” he said.

“In Jesus name,” they echoed.

“In Jesus’ name,” he said louder than before.

“In Jesus’ name,” they called.

They called for Him, but he didn’t answer.

As they began to depart, grandmamma stopped

And said, “Get some rest, honey.”

I ran my hand over his face to shut his eyes.

“Yes,” I said. “In Jesus’ name.”