POETRY: 'A Virgin's Condemnation' By Ana Hagins

If I actually knew why things were the way they are then I would tell you.

I would love to explain why I desire the forbidden

or why what I can’t have wants me.

To experience affection so foreign would be beyond extraordinary;

it would be fulfilling.

The idea of being embraced

by one whose heart only belongs to you

is unfathomable.

Soft whispers with tender touches and kisses

seem to only be a kind of tease

when you know that there’s more in store.

But let’s be clear on what is desired.

It’s not the actions in and of itself

or the true meaning behind them all;

it’s the attention,

the fact that out of it all

someone takes the time to embrace me.

There are so many other things to do,

but no,

at this moment in time,

for now,

right now,

I am the center of their focus.

I have something at the moment that no one else does

and it intrigues them;

it’s hard for them to turn away.

I am noticed,

finally appreciated

for a brief second in a 24-hour day,

and no one can deter them from me.

I am a Siren.

It doesn’t have to be intimate,

most of the time it’s not.

It’s the casual conversation,

the giggles and smiles

that leave imprints on all participants.

If only you could understand

the since of royalty I feel when they listen,

when they stop and hear my voice carry

through their ears with a melody

like soft rain gently tapping on a stream’s surface.

They respond in ways that make me feel as if my words,

my voice caress their eardrums.

At that present moment I am uplifted.

I am revered

as if to be some holy figure,

an angel.

Attention,

that’s all I want.

The care and warmth

is all I want.

The embracing of their time and space

is all I want.

It doesn’t get any more intimate then that,

but intimacy is a sin for a virgin.

Well I am a sinner,

condemned because I yearn for the tabooed

and thirst for its love.

Do you condemn me, Lord?

If it is truly a sin then please, by all means, cleanse me of it.

Dear Father who art in Zion,

I ask that you would forgive me

for I want what virgins can’t have.

Blot out my iniquities, my fleshly desires,

but if it’s not…

if it is not a sin

then bless me.

Bless me

with intimacy.

Bless me

with affection,

for in the end attention

is all I want,

and that’s the true meaning behind it all.